I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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