The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
