Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You are the jesus of drinking
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