I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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