So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
