hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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