Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And then he peed in my hair
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