Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come see our sink grown plant.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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