Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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