I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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