If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
