R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
