Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
