You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
