Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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