why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
