and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
