Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
