Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
how does that bad decision feel?
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