only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
