The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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