I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
