The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
