Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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