he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
