i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
