i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
