I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
