I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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