Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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