Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize