So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
