I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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