You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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