Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
