3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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