He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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