Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
