K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drake has all the answers
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
