I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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