Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
