I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
