He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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