I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
