Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
