After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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