I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
