Don't you send me to vm
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
