I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
