some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
