Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
