glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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