i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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