Define "chronic" masturbator.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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