the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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