I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
