Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Little spoons don't ask big questions
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
