hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
