There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
