i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
