It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
