my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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