that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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