hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just high enough for therapy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
