Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
