i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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