yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
As shirtless as possible
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
