she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
