I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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